|Hercules:||Thunder God, so-called, do you speak the language of stones?|
|I speak not the language of clownish Greeks.||Thor:|
|Hercules:||I have bent my ear to this boulder, and it tells me you are in need of a gift.|
|Hercules:||I bring you the Gift of Battle!|
|Haha! I accept!||Thor:|
|Hercules:||I've slaked my thirst for a fight, but now I'm hungry for battle again!|
|Took you long enough. You Greeks! So lazy.||Thor:|
|Hercules:||Barbarian! When your people invent geometry, talk to me of laziness!|
|Let that be a lesson. Strength of arm belongs to the Norse.||Thor:|
|Hercules:||Lesson? The Norse learned all their lessons from the Greeks. You'd still be counting on your fingers if it wasn't for us.
One lucky break is no lesson at all. Let's see you do it again!
|Hercules:||Odinson! You fight like that and call yourself Odinson!? Your father has to squint through his one eye to detect any sign of your valor!
And now, for a meal. Fighting makes a mighty hunger!
|Eat while you can. You will feed through a straw when Mjolnir has broken your face.||Thor:|
|Nick Fury:||New York, New York. Where all the world's loony cults come to hit the big time.
The latest appears to be the Circle of 8. They're popping up like roaches, and it looks like they're on a bit of a killing spree.
|Tony Stark:||We've got field reports from Hercules himself. Herc, why don't you tell it your way.|
|Tony Stark:||Well, Herc, they've killed Typeface and Obnoxio the Clown. We didn't like those guys, but S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't condone ritual murder.|
|Nick Fury:||Get them off the street and into a padded cell.|
Mini-Boss - Crimson DynamoEdit
|Hercules:||As is my habit, I was reading stories about myself in the library, when who should appear?|
|Maria Hill:||That's Crimson Dynamo.|
|Hercules:||And a group of these cultists of the octadic circle!|
|Maria Hill:||Then you probably should do something about it.|
|You are no god! Just crazy Greek man! I know how to deal with crazy Greek man.||Crimson Dynamo:|
|Hercules:||And I have defeated many a man in armor. Perhaps not crimson armor, but color matters not. To battle!|
|Hercules:||Mystics, cultists, visionaries. There was a time when they were dealt with.|
|Agent Coulson:||Well, Herc, we can't put everyone in the Brazen Bull nowadays.|
|Hercules:||Matters of the occult should remain hidden. When they come out into the light, they should be crushed.|
|Nick Fury:||I'm with you there. But the times are strange... and getting stranger.|
Boss - Living PharaohEdit
|Tony Stark:||Herc, we have another mystical dirtbag to report: The Living Pharaoh, location incoming.|
|Hercules:||Egyptians, bah. I think little of those so obsessed with death and cats.|
|Tony Stark:||I don't think this one has any cats. He does have a group of Circle of 8 cultists attacking one of the library's off-site collections.|
|Maria Hill:||We're trying to find out what they're after, but priority one is stopping them.|
|A Socratic question: How many delusional would-be gods does S.H.I.E.L.D. have on its payroll?||Living Pharaoh:|
|Hercules:||You? An Egyptian pretender to a throne he has only imagined? You question my nature!?
I would have destroyed you in any event, but now I will relish it yet more!
|Hercules:||There are Scandinavian runestones here. This pretend Pharaoh might have wanted them.
The Norse! Now there were people who knew how to live! ...but do not repeat that to the Odinson.
|Maria Hill:||Our lips are sealed. What does the Living Pharaoh want with Norse runes?|
|Agent Coulson:||Maybe the question is what does the Circle of 8 want with them?|
|Maria Hill:||The hierarchy of the Circle of 8 is still a mystery.|
|Tony Stark:||Or hierarchies.|
|Nick Fury:||We don't know. It's clear they've drawn the attention of established villains and enemy groups.
The sooner we get to the bottom of their goals and origin, the sooner we know whether they're just cannon fodder.
|Agent Coulson:||Also we need to understand the reasons for the killing spree. Is it related to Incursions?|
|Hercules:||We'll know soon enough. For now, savor victory.
Now it's time for the hero's reward. Wine! Women! Maybe even song...
|Tony Stark:||Herc, if you head south to the next light and take a left, you'll see an abandoned bowling alley.|
|Hercules:||Yes. What of it?|
|Tony Stark:||It's full of Circle of 8 cultists.|
|Hercules:||Ah. To battle!|
|Hercules:||I have sent these cultists to their afterlives. But before I arrived, they did some killing of their own. The fallen... it has been long since they were counted among the living.|
|Agent Coulson:||Can you get a camera on the bodies... okay, thanks. Running facial recognition...
Rattan and Luis Reyes.
|Agent Coulson:||HYDRA is making another move in Wakanda. Their faux-Avengers are all on the scene, and Man-Ape is turning the White Gorillas into Iso-8-deranged soldiers again.|
|Hercules:||HYDRA! What do these little men know of that great beast? If it lived, it would devour them all and then die of indigestion, belching from every head.|
|Tony Stark:||Hercules, what are you doing here, anyway?|
|Hercules:||If that blood-sotted half-brother of mine can take his axe to HYDRA, I can do him one better!|
|Tony Stark:||Sibling rivalry, Nick. Underestimated recruiting tool.|
|Nick Fury:||I'll keep that in mind.|
|Black Panther:||Step lightly in my country, Fury.|
|Nick Fury:||You don't have to tell me that, T'Challa. We kept Ares on a short leash, and we'll do the same with Hercules.|
|Tony Stark:||Agent, you and Herc work together. Let's get HYDRA out of Wakanda once and for all.|
Mini-Boss - BowmanEdit
|Stand down, tough guy, before we make you clean out another stable.||Bowman:|
|Hercules:||You joke! Ha ha! I joke in return: When Olympus sees fit to send me on more chores, I will find them easier when I can use your skull as a dustpan! Ha ha!|
|Hercules:||Arrows are for cowards! If you must resort to missiles, use the missiles of a warrior! Throw stones!|
|Hercules:||This Bowman found that no arrow can slow down the Son of Zeus. What next?|
|Tony Stark:||Stay ready, Hercules. We're about to lock you into another mission.|
Mini-Boss - Tactical ForceEdit
|Maria Hill:||Tactical Force is commanding a squad of HYDRA and White Gorilla troops here.|
|Hercules:||Armor cannot protect a man from his own cowardice. We shall see if this Iron Man impostor can withstand the blows that slew the Nemean Lion.|
|Cool it, Hercules. Someone went and got you all worked up for nothing.||Tactical Force:|
|Hercules:||For nothing? By Olympus, not so! For battle!|
|Hercules:||Patroclus and Hector both died wearing the armor of Achilles. Do you think the garb of Iron Man will save you?|
|Hercules:||Worked up! Indeed! What next? Stark! What next? Do enemies still stand against us?|
|Tony Stark:||Oh, we've got plenty of enemies. Wakanda is lousy with HYDRA and White Gorillas gone bonkers on Iso-8. Plenty for us to do.|
|Hercules:||I see. Then to the task!|
Boss - Militant/HammerEdit
|Maria Hill:||Militant and Hammer have just connected with a group of HYDRA soldiers and White Gorillas at this location.|
|Black Panther:||These events have brought too much bloodshed and fear to my people. It must be repaid in kind.|
|Hercules:||Fear not, T'Challa -- of course you fear nothing, as do I! -- I will erase this blot of HYDRA from your nation's soil.|
|Hercules:||You. You pretend to the might and valor of Captain America?|
|No pretense. You don't see him around trying to fight us.||Militant:|
|Hercules:||And you. Do you truly imagine yourself to be the Thunder God, the Odinson? He is a barbarian oaf, but mighty. Are you so mighty?|
|You dare tell me I'm not?||Hammer:|
|Hercules:||You still wear garments to mimic the Avengers? Then learn the lesson Patroclus and Hector learned when they wore the armor of another!|
|Hercules:||The gift of battle is a mighty gift indeed! Which of these dogs and cowards shall we crush and dismember next?|
|Tony Stark:||Well, let's take a look at our strategic map here... any of them? Whatever's left, hit it. But if you see Man-Ape, hit him first.|
|Hercules:||You speak my language, Stark.|
Epic Boss - Man-ApeEdit
|You wish to test your strength against M'Baku, who has eaten of the White Gorilla's blood?||Man-Ape:|
|Hercules:||I have seen many men drink blood. None of them were ever stronger than me.
Also, I thought you were a hater of techne. Why do you ply your White Gorillas with Iso-8?
|Iso-8 fell from the sky. It is no technology. It is raw power. And only raw power will see us through these attacks from other worlds!||Man-Ape:|
|Hercules:||Concern yourself with attacks from my other fist first!|
|Hercules:||Does your gorilla blood give you power, Man-Ape? I have the blood of Zeus! And did not have to wallow in it.|
|Nick Fury:||Crack all of 'em you want, Hercules. Same goes for the White Gorilla forces. Just make sure you minimize the damage to the actual animal-variety white gorillas.|
|Hercules:||I have no quarrel with apes... but I killed the Hydra myself and it galls me to see these suagroi rallying to that banner. To battle!|
|Tony Stark:||A confession: I do take a special pleasure in watching those plagiarizing fake-ass unoriginal ripoff versions of us take a beating. Especially when you're handing it out, Hercules.|
|Hercules:||You honor me.|
|Tony Stark:||You hand out a fine beating.|
|Hercules:||The gods have granted me certain blessings.|
|Tony Stark:||What's with all this humility? Aren't you supposed to be boasting about breaking bones and winning the adoration of women?|
|Hercules:||I shall await Ares' arrival before speaking again of my grandiloquence.|
|Tony Stark:||Totally understand. Well, good work out there, Agent. Man-Ape is still out there somewhere. He's not going to let a little thing like HYDRA putting a price on his head stop him.|
|Tony Stark:||Hercules, we have a job for you.|
|Hercules:||Indeed! What labour might this be? Must I slay a few thousand spawn of Hades? Seduce some queen of the fiery realms? Truly, there is no task too great for the mighty—|
|Tony Stark:||We need you to hold up a building.|
|Hercules:||...That is all?! Pffft. Out of the way, Man of Iron.|
|Tony Stark:||I hope holding a 50 story high-rise over your head wasn't too boring for you, big guy.|
|Hercules:||Twas better than cleaning the Augean Stables, at least.|
|Tony Stark:||Herc. You're a jolly guy. Hail-fellow-well-met sort. Might need you to help us out.|
|Hercules:||Say the word.|
|Nick Fury:||Olympus. The word is Olympus.|
|Hercules:||A fine jest, but a serious errand. What is it you want? Speak plainly.|
|Nick Fury:||We need you to go to Olympus and see if the other... gods... are going to get jealous of the Asgardians and start something on their own.|
|Hercules:||The jealousies of the gods are beyond me to predict. But I will make the journey and learn what I may.|
|Nick Fury:||What's the word?|
|Hercules:||You jest again. My tidings, I fear, are without humor.
Ares alone of Olympians takes any interest in mortal doings. The rest are taken up with their own feuds and rivalries.
|Tony Stark:||Herc, you're our man here. We need these roadblocks cleared, and while you're at it, if you wanted to reduce the Hellfire Club's manpower, that would be great too.|
|Hercules:||The way will be made safe for your soldiers, Stark.|
|Tony Stark:||Much appreciated. This is a historic district. Try not to tear it up too much.|
|Hercules:||A historic district? I remember the first log cabins around here. Your people have a strange sense of history.|
|Hercules:||The way is clear. And I have preserved the buildings.|
|Tony Stark:||That's just because you saw a tavern.|
|Hercules:||What matters the motive if the deed is done?|
Mini-Boss - Ironclad/VaporEdit
|Agent Coulson:||Ironclad and Vapor just tore into a group of Test Subjects here. We could let them go ahead, and watch Dell Rusk turn us into a laughingstock.|
|Hercules:||Let us get into this fight before they change their minds!|
|Hercules:||Your servitude to Rusk will bring you only defeat... at my hands!|
|Servitude? Hardly. It's more of a mutually beneficial partnership, if that's not too subtle an idea for you to grasp.||Vapor:|
|Hercules:||Ha! Well boasted! Now back your words up with deeds.|
|Hercules:||I fear neither metal nor fog!|
|Hercules:||Their deeds did not match their words. Few do, once they have boasted of defeating me.|
|Tony Stark:||Um, right. So do you mind staying out and finishing this off?|
|Hercules:||Stark, sometimes you are as stupid as people think I am. Will I battle on? Try to stop me!|
Boss - AresEdit
|Tony Stark:||Whoa. Ares. Dell Rusk has access to some heavyweights.|
|Agent Coulson:||He's cleaning up the Test Subjects in that area, but he's also gone after S.H.I.E.L.D. field teams. Looks like Rusk wants to pick a fight with us using the pretense of collateral damage.|
|Tony Stark:||We figured that part out, Opie. The question is how best to handle it.|
|Hercules:||I know a question that will drive him to a blind fury.|
|Tony Stark:||Oh, good. That's what we want, is a war god in a blind fury.|
|Hercules:||Trust me, Stark. No one knows better how to battle Ares.|
|Hercules:||Me. You can't still be angry about those birds... what hair, O god of war, lieth across thine ass today?|
|You have mocked me once too often, Hercules. And S.H.I.E.L.D. has made mock of itself by playing at war instead of making war.
That is why I am here. To show you what true war looks like.
|Hercules:||Brother-in-arms! Is that the chirping of Stymphalian birds I hear?|
|Hercules:||True war? That was barely a squabble!|
|Director Fury, you are only postponing the inevitable. It's time for the business of protecting civilian populations to be given to people who know how to handle it.||Dell Rusk:|
|Nick Fury:||With you in charge, using your group of hand-picked mercenaries you'll call heroes.|
|Don't let Ares hear you call him a mercenary, Director. He'll take on S.H.I.E.L.D. himself... before I even have a chance to defund and disband it.||Dell Rusk:|
|Tony Stark:||Herc, you'd be doing us a big favor if you could talk to Ares. By which I don't mean pick a fight with him.|
|Hercules:||Talk? Ares will not care what I think. But perhaps we will fight, so I say yea! I will do this, Stark!|
|Tony Stark:||That's the spirit.|
|Tony Stark:||How'd it go?|
|Hercules:||We fought! Glorious battle!
What need has a warrior of words? Ha! I jest with you, Stark. We spoke, and even so, I know not what he will do.
Mini-Boss - Dark WidowEdit
|Black Widow:||She does have a sting... but it doesn't match mine.|
|Hercules:||I would suffer that sting, could I get close enough to experience it. A fine deadly woman!|
|Maria Hill:||Roll up your tongue, Hercules. We're staying professional here.|
|Hercules:||Professional? What care I for professional? My professions are women, drink, and battle!|
|Tony Stark:||Why don't you go pick another fight with Ares? It'll get both of you out of our hair for a while.|
|Hercules:||I happened upon this creature at the edge of the river. The battle was joined! And I emerged victorious.|
|Hercules:||By the one-eyed shade of Polyphemus, it rises again!
And I have dispatched it once more!
|Tony Stark:||We're going to need you to stay there and keep killing it until we can get it contained.|
|Hercules:||I am a poor watchman. My blood must keep moving!|
|Tony Stark:||Glad you stayed on as long as you did. I think we're all set now. Get on with your bad self and fight.|