When PVP Tournament IntroducedEdit
|Deadpool:||Hey great! You're back! Coming right up, one set of snazzy-pants armor, as promised. Here, I'll help zip you up... there we go.|
|Cable:||Too much A.I.M. activity around here. Seems like we ought to keep A.I.M. out of the park. Know what I mean?|
|Deadpool:||I think your problem is this is all like work to you. Lighten up. We get to kill people, zillions and zillions of people, utterly without consequence because we're make-believe? HOW FREAKING AWESOME IS THAT?|
|The cyborg and the nut who thinks he's in a comic book. S.H.I.E.L.D. is scraping the bottom of the barrel now.||X-Ray:|
|Tell me about it. Okay, cyborg and crazy man. You think you had problems with A.I.M. before? They're about to get worse.||Vapor:|
|Deadpool:||She threatened me. She called me crazy. <sigh> I think I'm in love.|
|Cable:||You're still on fire, we're both more radioactive than a Chernobyl daisy, and I've got pieces of you stuck in me from that last explosion.|
|Deadpool:||Yep-per. I think that went well.|
|Cable:||It went well. All right. Why?|
|Deadpool:||I was wrong. That wasn't love. Just a passing infatuation. True love only happens in fairy tales, and this is a comic book, not a fairy tale.|
|Cable:||Thought you said it was a video game.|
|Deadpool:||Whatever. What's the difference? I also said you should lighten up, but there you are, still all serious and gravely responsible. Man, I get sick of that.
Can't anybody have any fun around here?
|Cable:||Fury, there are a number of items your research teams might find interesting here. Coulson in particular.|
|Agent Coulson:||Roger that, Cable. Thanks for the heads-up.|
|Deadpool:||Coulson! You're alive! Don't you want revenge on Loki? I sure would.|
|Wolverine:||HYDRA. I hate these guys.|
|W-wait! Please don’t kill me, I'm on break! I'm just getting some coffee!||Bob:|
|Wolverine:||Uh huh. Time to take out the trash.|
|No, please! My health insurance doesn’t kick in for another three weeks! Oh, if only Deadpool were here!||Bob:|
|Wolverine:||... Huh? You know Deadpool?|
|Y-yeah, he’s my best friend! Here, let me just call him! He’ll explain everything!||Bob:|
|Wolverine:||Bub, you’re nuttier than a pecan log. But if you wanna hold still while I do this, that’s fine by-|
|Deadpool:||Bob! I got your call while I was picking up some tacos and I thought I’d just... oh hey, Wolvie, how’s the back hair hangin’?|
|Wolverine:||Wait, he’s telling the truth? You’re FRIENDS with this HYDRA goon?!|
|Deadpool, you have to help me! He’s going to kill me!||Bob:|
|Deadpool:||What?! Nobody gets to kill my friends except me, Logan! Bob challenges you to a duel!|
|Yeah! ... wait, what?||Bob:|
|Deadpool:||Don’t worry, Bob, I’ll help you out! You’ll do great! It’ll build character! We’ll make a Robert out of you yet!|
|Wolverine:||Not pulling any punches this time, Wilson. You start aiding the enemy, you become the enemy.|
|Deadpool:||Don’t worry, Bob. I’ve been trying forever to get the devs to add you to the game, I’m not about to let you die now.|
|Please let me run away.||Bob:|
|Deadpool:||Don’t let him scare you! He’s just an angry old man in a silly suit! You’ve got this!|
|Deadpool:||See Bob? I told you it wouldn’t be so bad!|
|... I’m alive. I’m alive! I am BOB TRIUMPHANT!||Bob:|
|Deadpool:||Here, have a taco. You've earned it.|
|Deadpool:||Haha, wow, we sure got thrashed, eh Bob?
... Bob? ... Oh poop. I keep forgetting other people don’t have a healing factor.
|Wolverine:||You’re lucky I’m feeling generous, or I’d do you the same, you lunatic.
Now I get to march your sorry butt to the Helicarrier. Fury’s gonna love this.
|Deadpool:||Agent! Send me on this deploy! I don't even know what it is, but it's my turn, right?|
|Deadpool:||Reporting for duty, Big Cheese of S.H.I.E.L.D..|
|Maria Hill:||We didn't--|
|Deadpool:||Right! You need A.I.M. terrorists terrorized, I'm your guy. Point me at 'em!|
|Deadpool:||Now do I get to fight the Hulk? He's the boss in this mission, right? God, I love this game.
Wait... it's Red Hulk? And he's on our side? Oh, man, I read the forum guide all wrong. What do I do now?
|Deadpool:||Hey, Agent Whatsyourname. You and me need to talk. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s about to tell you all about how I'm a loose cannon and they need to...
Oh. Shhh shh shh. They're here.
|Maria Hill:||The Kingpin is attempting a takeover of the Maggia.
A unified underworld is more than a gambling racket. Their smuggling network, for one thing, is a prime conduit for black-market Iso-8.
|Nick Fury:||That alone is enough reason to keep the pressure on Kingpin and stop him from consolidating control.|
|Tony Stark:||Also, we need to keep Deadpool busy. He's getting antsy, and when he gets antsy, he does things...|
|Deadpool:||See? Told you.|
|Tony Stark:||... I was about to say things that he regrets. But I don't think he knows what regret is.|
|Nick Fury:||Things we regret, is what you meant.|
|Deadpool:||Not true. I spread my regrets around for everyone. I am so generous with regrets that I don't keep any for myself.|
MiniBoss - Madame MasqueEdit
|Maria Hill:||Madame Masque has taken charge of a Maggia cell here, Agent. We're not sure whether she's operating under the Kingpin or not.|
|Permit me to clarify.||Kingpin:|
|Agent Coulson:||Security breach in bridge comm systems.|
|You will find that a number of my new subordinates have been alerted to your operations, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. I will be delegating responsibility for the Maggia response to my generals in the field.||Kingpin:|
|Deadpool:||That's what I said!|
|Agent Coulson:||Tracking his... nope. Lost it. We'll find out where he is soon enough.|
|Organized crime is modernizing, going multinational, and S.H.I.E.L.D. sends out a lunatic.||Madame Masque:|
|Deadpool:||It's the creative approach. There was a seminar about it.
Get what I'm doing there, Agent? Ha! Like I'd ever sit through a seminar.
|Gentlemen, remove this distraction.||Madame Masque:|
|Deadpool:||Can we do the entrance again? The angle was all wrong, and my costume, jeez, looked like I had a sock on my head.|
|Deadpool:||I didn't really lose. Only problem is that I couldn't see and all the blood fell out of my body. But I totally won. You told her that, right?|
|Deadpool:||Can I take her mask off? Pretty please, with birdseed on it?|
|Deadpool:||What if I do? You gonna stop me?|
|Tony Stark:||Wade, you of all people should know why someone would want to keep their face hidden.|
|Deadpool:||Ouch. Okay, okay. Party pooper.|
MiniBoss - Boomerang Edit
|Maria Hill:||Boomerang just mowed down a group of Maggia soldiers here.|
|Nick Fury:||They must not be on board with the new management. Deadpool?|
|Deadpool:||I thought you'd never ask!|
|Agent Coulson:||We've also learned that the Circle of 8 killed Almighty Dollar at this location. The Maggia could be trying to control his leftover assets.|
|Deadpool:||Aw man! That's a shame. We could've used him to buy more Command Points.|
|Fury send you a crack a fruity and bring me in?||Boomerang:|
|Deadpool:||Crack a fruity? I love that! I'm gonna be Australian from here on out.
G'day, cobber -- gack! Okay, tough guy. Fair dinkum! You get the one stabarang through the heart free, but now we're gonna fight. I mean, barney!
|Deadpool:||We're gonna go round again, and once you kark it she'll be apples!|
|Deadpool:||I feel strongly that you didn't congratulate me enough for not killing him.
Resentment is choking off the delicate flowers of my innate good nature.
|Nick Fury:||Give it a rest.|
|Tony Stark:||Well done, Deadpool. Admirable restraint. Go on and resume cutting a swath through the Maggia.|
|Deadpool:||That wasn't sincere. You'll miss me when I'm gone.|
Boss - LizardEdit
|Maria Hill:||We're getting the streets of the Kitchen back under control. Now it's time to go after the Kingpin himself.|
|Deadpool:||It sounds so dramatic when you say it.|
|I do detest being the bearer of bad news, but I will not be available for appointments today. Instead perhaps you could meet my colleague, Dr. Curtis Connors.||Kingpin:|
|Maria Hill:||The Lizard... ?|
|Deadpool:||THE LIZARD!? Awe. Some. He regenerates! So I can hack pieces off him, and it's okay because they'll grow back! Where is he?|
|S.H.I.E.L.D.'s standards are slipping.||Kingpin:|
|Deadpool:||Blamity blam blam, pinstriped sniveler! Fink!|
|One does, occasionally, wish for the quieter breed of assassin.||Kingpin:|
|Thisss is my show now, Fisssk. Kibitz all you want, but I'm going to take care of businessss.||Lizard:|
|Deadpool:||Thought I'd stop by again and see if you'd polished up your villain monologues.
Come on, I hate starting a fight without a monologue.
|Maria Hill:||Deadpool just jumped from the Fisk tower with a... I guess you could say it's a makeshift parachute.|
|Deadpool:||Would you trust any elevator maintained by a corrupt crime boss? Not when you've got trophy pants!|
|Tony Stark:||I never know what he hell he's talking about.|
|Nick Fury:||It's okay. Usually he doesn't either.|
|Maria Hill:||Can we cut the noise and get an operational report?|
|Deadpool:||Hey wait! I wanna fight the Epic Boss!|
Epic Boss - SavinEdit
|Nick Fury:||Savin. And here I had my money on Grim Reaper. Or even Count Nefaria. Been a while since we saw him.|
|Tony Stark:||He must want out of the corporate world. If he can set himself up in the Maggia, no more nine-to-five, that's for sure.|
|I have set a challenge for you, S.H.I.E.L.D.. This is a new age for the Maggia, with a new focus on recruiting top talent. Can you keep up?||Kingpin:|
|Deadpool:||I can hear it coming...|
|Agent Coulson:||He's got top talent, we've got Deadpool. Rolling the dice here...|
|Deadpool:||Okay, Agent Sparky. I'll show you talent.|
|You're pretty good at killing, I hear. Problem is, I'm not so good at dying.||Savin:|
|Deadpool:||I can help with that! If there's one thing I'm good at, it's helping people get better at dying. Service is what I'm all about, Extremis Boy.|
|We'll find out how good you are, if you ever shut up long enough to fight.||Savin:|
|Deadpool:||I could have Extremis nanobug-whatevers. They'd be right at home in this Apollonian temple of a body. Gimme some.|
|Come and get them.||Savin:|
|Deadpool:||I SAID GIMME SOME!|
|So tell me. What can I learn from Weapon X? Other than how to turn into a lunatic who sometimes doesn't know what country he's in.||Savin:|
|Deadpool:||Don't make fun of Weapon X. Or of my healing factor. Or of my costume. Those are rules.|
|Deadpool:||Ahh, that was fun. Time to pack up my health bar and hit the road!|
|Tony Stark:||Well, if the Kingpin was counting his money before, he'll be adding up casualty figures now.|
|Deadpool:||Man, there's a lot of these little green and red boxes these days. Good thing I have so many pouches!|
|Maria Hill:||We are going to have to be very careful how we use him.|
|Agent Coulson:||With all due respect, that may be the understatement of the decade.|
|Deadpool:||Now that's over with, how about we trade places? You go on balls-out crazy ninja missions and I'll kick back and drink your coffee and pretend I'm not playing Alliance when the boss walks by. Sound good? Sweet.|
|Nick Fury:||Deadpool, we need you to-|
|Deadpool:||I accept! I'm honored, truly.|
|Nick Fury:||... Wait, I haven't even-|
|Deadpool:||-told me about making me Director of S.H.I.E.L.D., I know, but I thought I'd save you all your usual boring, gritty dialogue and just say yes!|
|Nick Fury:||What in the world are you-|
|Deadpool:||-going to get you for your retirement party? A nice set of vibranium golf clubs. Or maybe a gold eyepatch. Should impress all those lonely widows at the old folks home, am I right?|
|Nick Fury:||You know what? Just stand right here and don't move while I-|
|Deadpool:|| -go get me the keys to the helicarrier? Sweet!
... Hey is that an army of deadly, razor-limbed robots coming this way, or some kind of flash mob thing?
|Maria Hill:||We have the androids contained, Agent. Deadpool was able to delay them long enough for backup to arrive.
Unfortunately, he survived.
|Deadpool:||Hoo-whee! That sure did exercise the ol' healing factor. Think I left a few Wades worth of severed limbs on the street.
Maria, be a doll and get a cleanup crew down there. And throw out all that World War II crap Nick left in my new office!
|Deadpool:||Deadpool here. I nominate myself to go catch a White Gorilla because they're rare and endangered and we should learn more about them.|
|Deadpool:||Agent, these White Gorillas are almost extinct. Since I am a well-known savior of the ecology, I think we oughta go capture one and see if it'll breed in---
What? Oh. Well, can I capture one anyway? Screw it. Here I go.
|Deadpool:||I brought one. I think I'm going to name him "Teddy".|